Live a dog’s life

​Today is International Dog Day (August 26), and it got me reflecting on these incredible animals. There truly is something very special about dogs. I am unashamedly a dog-person; let me announce my personal bias from the outset. I love all animals, but dogs are just such...goooodbois! (and goiiirls). 

Of course, to those of us who have enjoyed a dog’s company, it’s no surprise that the psychological, emotional, social, and physical benefits dogs have on humans has been established in the literature, but as a therapist, I’m really interested in understanding the clinical implications for this work. 

When I think about it, dogs are such an effective presence in treatment (and life), because they are so intrinsically healing to many of our unmet core emotional needs. Let’s have a look at some of the big ones.

1. Secure attachment - This need relates to the basic sense of safety and security, stability, as well as love, nurturance and warmth. How easy it is to attribute so many of these qualities to dogs, who are capable of extraordinary displays of loyalty and affection, who predictably greet you with glee every time you arrive home, and will happily snuggle up to you all day and night for warmth and security.  They are consistently emotionally available us and will give you their full, undivided attention and interest while they’re at it. Those everyday sayings, “puppy dog eyes”, “man’s best friend” and “puppy love”, tell an age-old story that humans have known to be true for centuries.

2. Expression - this need relates to our ability to freely express our feelings and needs safely, without any fear of rejection, disapproval or punishment. Dogs are some of the best listeners and watchers. They don’t judge you for your appearance, your reputation, or how much money you don’t have in the bank. They just...accept, unconditionally, who we are. Dogs may not only be our most loyal companions, but in many cases, our most treasured confidants, and the kind of friends and family we are able to truly express our most vulnerable parts to. Ah to be seen and to be heard; they give us both! 

3. Autonomy - this need is all about being provided with a special kind of support or guidance to become independent and autonomous, which includes being presented with challenges that are appropriate to our age and stage. This need also closely relates to building that sense of self, or identity. How do furbabies, I mean dogs, help us do this? I think dogs naturally guide us down this path pretty well. They are fairly dependent on us, their master and pack leader. Owning a dog is a pretty steep learning curve, full of opportunities to developing this area. Even having the autonomy and making the important decision to own a pet, is often a momentous occasion in our lives, and again, an example of us flexing our autonomy muscle. Once the dog moves in with you, you are faced with an ongoing plethora of decisions and character-building moments forever and a day. Everything from which dog food to buy, to what to do when they’re sick or injured, to which tennis balls truly do last the longest (tip: it’s not the $2 shop ones, sadly), you have loads of opportunities to reflect on and develop into the kind of dog-owner and person you want to be. What a gift!

4. Spontaneity and play - walkies, anyone? Dogs very naturally bring out our playful side, in the way we speak and behave with them. They so effortlessly role-model playfulness and fun, and in turn, make it perfectly acceptable for us to suddenly roll around on the floor with them, ruffle their fur and speak goofily to them, or play tug-o-war with them. Dogs are up for fun at any time of the day (or night even), and will be ready for a swim or walk within seconds of you mentioning the first few syllables of the notion. Some of the most serious people I know are also the most silly and sappy individuals around their dogs. Now that’s a joy to witness! 

5. Realistic limits - this need relates to having boundaries and limits placed on us that are reasonable and realistic. This includes being provided with feedback so we can learn appropriate self-control and discipline, and provides us with the message that we are loved and cared for. How do dogs do this? Owning a dog teaches us patience and responsibility. We have to learn to tolerate frustration. We have to manage our responsibilities, our time, our resources to care for a dog. It’s not always convenient. It’s not always easy. It doesn’t always go well. There is toilet-training, socialising, medical expenses, filling up the water bowl, chewed shoes... We can also quickly learn that Sunday morning walkies waits for no hangover, and that money spent on cocktails may be one day needed for actual tail surgery. A dog teaches us a huge amount about needing to set limits, and having limits on ourselves, and that it’s all because they need and love us. 

I wanted to give a special shout out the dogs (and pets for that matter!) of many of my clients. Give those pets some extra love if you read this, knowing they are continuing the therapeutic experience outside of the therapy room with every excited tail wag and chewed tennis ball. If you don’t have a dog or pet, I’d encourage you to be open to the animals that you may see around you, or cross your path. Be open to what they can teach you, and importantly, how they can heal those unmet core needs. Live a dog’s life, I say!